“I’ve picked you. I haven’t dropped you. Don’t panic. I’m with you. There’s no need to fear for I’m your God. I’ll give you strength. I’ll help you. I’ll hold you stead, keep a firm grip on you.” – Isaiah 41:9-10 from The Message
We left off with a celebration. Our sweet sweet Porter was found. He was always there. Waiting for us. Waiting for me to be his mom. Waiting for Matt to be his dad. Waiting for his four sisters to love him. He was waiting for us.
I can’t explain the feelings we had when we received that phone call. I was stunned. In the waiting, I was so worried that maybe we didn’t have a boy ever. PGS is not 100% accurate. There is always a chance that something with the test was just not accurate. But hearing those words “We found your BOY embryo” was paralyzing. All the unknowns were still out there. All the whys and wondering what does this mean for us. You see we never intended on having so many kids. We thought four was the right size for us. When we were in this limbo period between not even knowing if there was a boy or not, we already had four. I can’t speak for Matt, but for me, even in that limbo period of time, I felt empty. That there was someone missing from us. I didn’t know the depth of that feeling though.
So, there we were, surprised, shocked, stunned, and extremely ecstatic that Porter was ALIVE. He was here on this Earth as a tiny frozen embryo just waiting to come to us.
I won’t and can’t get into all the hairy details that happened leading up to transferring Porter with our clinic, but it is all said and done now.
We planned on transferring Porter in March of 2019. I was still exclusively pumping for the twins at the time but was able to stash enough frozen milk to get them to a year. I also had not had a postpartum period since the twins were born. My doctor prescribed progesterone to try to trick my body into a cycle since Provera (what is normally used) was not as safe when breastfeeding. I started a light period on the very last day possible to stay on their schedule.
Talk about anxiety of WANTING your period to start! LOL
But then prepping for transfer, we ran into some roadblocks. I had fluid in my lining when I should have had a triple layer in my lining. Sometimes progesterone can ‘dry’ it up so I went ahead with starting progesterone in oil injections to see if that would work. Well the day before my scheduled transfer, I went in and the fluid was worse. So, the transfer was cancelled 24 hours before. 😭
That seriously sucked. I felt like I did SIX shots in my butt for nothing! They were no fun! But in this prep time I was able to wean, so when my cycle was cancelled I could take Provera and induce a really strong period to have a fresh lining.
We prepped straight into another transfer for April. At my first lining check, my lining looked amazing and we actually bumped our transfer up an entire week earlier.
Transfer came and on April 16th we transferred sweet Porter without a hiccup.
I had a positive pregnancy test 5dp5dt (5 days past 5-day transfer aka 10days past ovulation) and went to get blood tests the next few days.
6dp5dt 15 (which felt low!)
8dp5dt 30 (but it doubled!)
10dp5dt 115 (we were in the clear!)
I could not believe he stuck! Porter was meant to be with us. We loved him so much from the very beginning when he was created. It felt like this was a sign that God wanted Porter to be in our family. He knew we loved him.
At 5 weeks 2 days, I went to a Body Back workout. I was told I could workout, even though my last pregnancy I didn’t and still had complications. But I went. I took it easy and felt fine. I went home and had to take Heidi (one of my twins) to her chiropractor appointment. On my way, there I had some cramping but tried to drink water to see if it would stop.
It didn’t stop.
I was bleeding.
It was heavy.
Logical me: It’s ok. Bleeding is common in IVF pregnancies.
Emotional me: My baby is dying and I want to die from the fear of the unknown.
I called my IVF clinic and they said the same thing they said with the twins.
“Bleeding can be normal in early pregnancy, blah, blah, blah. Stay off your feet, drink water…”
Luckily, they were able to move my ultrasound up from 5w5d to 5w4d because you know that whole 24 hours made a difference 😂. When we went in, there were no signs of a sub chorionic hematoma (SCH) but little Porter was there. A tiny little yolk sac and gestational sac. They said because there wasn’t any evidence of a bleed, I could resume workouts 72 hours after the bleeding stopped. So, I did and then the bleeding would start again. We came back a week later though at 6w4d and Porter had a sweet, strong heartbeat.
At 7w2d I had a 3rd heavy bleeding episode. Same routine was followed. Rest, water, and went in for an ultrasound at 7w4d. Porter was there and he was happy with his little heart beating away. My clinic decided I could be discharged at this point to my midwife I had chosen, who ended up being someone that I owe everything to.
But that is for the next part of Porter’s story…
TO BE CONTINUED